I was in DC visiting my sister this past weekend and didn't get back until around 7:30 p.m. last night. We ordered from Shere-E-Punjab on State Street in Media. (Overpriced and inconsistently tasty Indian food.) Thanks to leftovers, there will be no cooking today.
Instead, prompted by the cashier at the Gap who said, "I used to have an Indian girlfriend," and "I eat a lot of Indian food," here are my top five pet peeve questions.
1.) Where are you from? This question is only irritating when you are trying to find out if I’m from India, Iran or Mexico. I was born and bred in Ohio and this makes me an American. However my parents are from India, although they are also American citizens. The correct way to find out my country of origin: What is your ethnic background?
2.) Do you know Ravi Patel or Priya Shah (or any other generic name combination)? I mean come on. Do you know John Smith and Jane Doe? Essentially, that is what I am being asked. Patel is like the Smith of the Indian world. Times a million. And, by the way, all Indian people don’t know all Indian people.
3.) I like Indian food. I get that this is an attempt to relate to me on some level, but I don’t walk up to those who are melanin-challenged with ‘I like hot dogs’ as a conversation-starter. And further more, if there is an appreciation of Indian food, please know the name of the dish. “That spinach stuff with the cheese chunks” was not on the menu when I last checked.
4.) Do you speak Indian? No, I speak Konkani. And NO I will not say something in Konkani for someone's amusement. Fun fact: India has more than 500 dialects and not one of them is called, “Indian.” Acceptable: What language to you speak?
5.) What’s your tribe? (This conversation actually occurred in 1996 at Ohio State with a dude in a cowboy hat.)
Rando: What are you?
Me: Um..Indian?
Rando: Oh wow really?? That’s so interesting.
Me: Thanks?
Rando: So like, what’s your tribe? Do you live in a teepee? Where do you put your feather?
Just because Christopher Columbus was a navigational nincompoop who thought he was in India, thus proudly proclaiming the inhabitants “Indians,” does not mean we need to continue this idiocy. The correct term is NATIVE AMERICAN. Indians are from India.
I'm done with my rant now and if just one person doesn't say, "I had some chicken stuff in some sort of sauce?" then I've touched a life in a way that truly matters.
(a) While sitting one night at DP Dough, I had a guy start talking to me. I eventually told him I was from Texas, and at that point he asked, "Oh, do you know so-and-so? He's on the football team. He's from Texas, too."
ReplyDeleteI just stared at him. I said, "Umm, Texas has about 40 million people in it. Why would I know him?" The guy just stared back, and then I ventured a guess -- "Is he black, too?"
The guy started hemming, hawing and stuttering, and I continued with, "Sooo, really? You *really* think all black people know one another?"
(b) In Walgreens the other day, I'm in line at the pharmacy... the pharmacist checking us out was an Indian woman. The guy in front of me went several steps further than the basic 'where are you from?' conversation, and jumped right into, "Hey, did you see that thing on TV the other night about that little Indian girl? She's got some sort of birth problem and is only like two feet tall, but she can sing and dance and loves life."
He then asked the pharmacist if she had a VHS, because he'd gladly bring the tape in for her. Just like now, I don't even have words for that.
Ha, do what I do, sometimes I'm just like, "Man, it was crazy growing up with tigers around my hut, it was a bitch fending for my family in the jungles of india!"
ReplyDeleteIf you have a really huge idiot, they will be like, "Fo Sho!?"